Hmmm....

Dear The Forecast reader,

It's time for me to reveal who I really am...yes, you guessed it, I'm Ian Donnelly! Now that I've been picked in the Storm's starting line-up this week, I won't have time to update The Forecast any more. Basically, I only started it as a way of showing Scooter that I write beter crap than he does - and I think I succeeded in that! So, yeah, apologies, but it is goodbye for now.

See you on the field,

Ian Donnelly

(ahem... well, I'm not Ian Donnelly, but other things in life have conspired against the regular, high-quality updates that readers of a Melbourne Storm blog deserve, and so, I won't be updating The Forecast again until I have enough time to do it right. Thanks for reading over the last couple of months, I've had fun doing it! Go Storm!!)

More King

I know people are pretty down on Kingy right now 'cause he hasn't come out and said, "I love playing for The Storm, even for not much dough, just gimme a pen and show me where to sign". What Kingy did say, in fact, read more like "I don't care if there's a part of Olympic Park unofficially named after me, I want cash. Serious Benjamins. No-one screws the K-man!".

Regardless, he's still a funny old bugger, as this bit of audio from the Footy Show last week shows...

New Photos

Over here.

Featuring some photos of the Storm scoring a try, playing football and ultimatley losing. And one photo of happy Bulldogs supporters.

What fun it was to experience! Sigh...

R.I.P The Graveyard?

The last time we lost three in a row at home was in 2002. I hope this year does not follow the same path as that one...

The Good
Josh Graham and Antonio Kaufusi both looked like first-graders. Jamie McDonald's interview at halftime was pretty insightful.

The Bad
Again our forwards were pissy compared to the opposition and again we dropped the ball ten metres away from our tryline and ten metres away from theirs.

The Ugly
Ray Hadley. I turned SEN on today and the first thing I heard was him saying that it's a "fact" that we get 3-4000 people to a game. @#&%wit.

When Craig Bellamy came to the Storm, he said that it didn't matter if we lost as long as the players performed to the best of their abilities. I think we need to go back to that approach and not worry about finals, top fours or premierships for the time being.

In other news, the new Star Wars movie is better than watching the Storm lose.

The Forecast - Round 11

As you can see, both team have changed quite a lot since they last met. This is obviously a good thing.

Bulldogs
Luke Patten
Hazem El Masri
Jamaal Lolesi
Cameron Phelps
Matthew Utai
Braith Anasta
Brent Sherwin
Chris Armit
Corey Hughes
Roy Asotasi
Tony Grimaldi
Adam Brideson
Dallas McIlwain

Interchange
Brad Morrin
Adam Perry
Ben Czislowski
Charlie Tonga

Storm
Greg Inglis
Matt Geyer
Steven Bell
Josh Graham
Jake Webster
Scott Hill
Matt Orford
Robbie Kearns
Cooper Cronk
Alex Chan
David Kidwell
Ryan Hoffman
Dallas Johnson

Interchange
Dennis Scott
Glen Turner
Jamie Feeney
Brett White

Yes, all very fascinating. And I think that Corey Hughes has been replaced by some other dude, now as well.

Anyway, I think we'll win, but it'll be close. On second thoughts, I don't know if we'll win, but I sure hope we do. Three loses in a row at home would suck bigtime, huh!? Storm by 10.

Knocking one off...


Rugby League Week's got some pretty good Storm stuff in it this week. Billy's on the cover, Matty Johns says that Craig Bellamy is a 'champion genius bloke' (or words to that effect) and Kingy chimes in with this qoute regarding his origin selection:


"I had a couple of minutes to myself on Monday morning in the shower after I heard I was in the team..."


A couple of minutes doing what, I wonder!?



Wow.

You see, I just thought that I was a little guy, sitting at home, making stuff up. I didn't understand the power I obviously wield.

Yesterday, I made some suggestions on how Storm management could increase crowds. Today, they responded to my comments with a media release on the Storm website. In this release, amongst other things, it is revealed that the crowds at Storm games are not, as I put it, 'a bit of a worry' and are in fact pretty damn good. Read it here.

Clearly, they fear The Forecast (and its readers!), and feel the need to defend themselves when attacked. This is fare enough. Make up your own mind as to who is in the right or wrong here. Meanwhile, I will stand firm and continue to offer ideas to help the Storm become the team it deserves to be. It's the least I can do.

My latest brainwave involves Billy Slater, the bananas he promotes and what used to be Matt King's afro. But I'll leave that for another day...

More Marketing Assistance

Our crowds this year haven't been that great. The Broncos one was good, but the last two have been under 10 000, which is a worry. It's a shame (in a way) that Sonny Bill is still injured, because he would've been a bit of a carrot to get people through the gates.

Here's a suggested entertainment itinery that'll hopefully entice a few more punters to the Graveyard on Saturday. I hope you're listening Storm HQ!

• 5:00pm - 'On the couch with Scooter and Jamie'. Scott and Feeney sit on a couch in the middle of OP and discuss what's great about Melbourne in comparison to their Bulldog days. Embarrassing stories are told about current Bulldogs players and the ones with very small penises are also outed.
  

• 5:20pm - 'Desexing the Enemy'. I think people would like to see this. Robbie Kearns assists a vet in cutting the balls off a dog. The whole process is equated with what the Storm will shortly do on the paddock.

• Throughout the game - 'The Dog Track'. People are allowed to watch the game from the athletics track if they bring a leashed dog with them and wear a Storm jersey. It'll send a message to all the players and ties in nicely with how the Storm are marketing this game.

• Halftime - 'Billy Slater Live'. Billy recreates his try from origin 2 and gives us deep insights into the magic of the moment.

• Postgame - 'Fan Conference'. Like a press conference, but for fans. Held out the front of the Western grandstand, we get to ask Bellamy what went right or wrong and offer him handy tips, which I'm sure he'll take on board.
  

Everyone would go home pretty happy if all that was on offer. Oh, and if we look like losing, the people on the athletics track are allowed to let their dogs off the leash...

Our Origin Heroes

I have a dream that tomorrow when I wake up, this will be the cover of The Age...



Best of enemies...

It's good to see that these two have worked things out.

Here's an exclusive transcript of the phonecall:

S: Hello?
K: Hi Stevo, it's me, the straight-talking Melbourne Storm captain, Robbie Kearns.
S: Hi, Robbie, it's good to hear from you, you absolute legend.
K: Yeah, look, I just rang to say that you're a tool, Stevo.
S: Hmmm... OK. You're right, Robbie. I am. I'm really sorry.
K: That's cool, I forgive you.
S: Thanks, Robbie! Do you you know someone else that liked to forgive people? In fact, he died for our...
K: Shut-up! Look, I'll cut you some slack because you've obvsiously got problems. When I talk about this conversation I'll make you sound good; like you're a reasonable, normal, person.
S: Wow! Robbie, you're dipolomatic skills match your on-field ability! I guess I'll just remain being a hopeless tool...
K: Yup, you will. I gotta go benchpress 400 kilograms and visit childrens hospitals. See you round, dingus.
S: Right. Bye, Robbie. I'll get back to whatever lame crap I was doing.

What a scoop!

2 points is better than none.

To be a truly content Storm supporter after this weekend is almost impossible. This is Souths fault for being not a very good side. I guess if we'd scored 60 points, that'd be something to be happy about, but another 20-something point victory does nothing to allay the fact that when a big fat forward pack crashes into our defense, we can't do much to stop it. Next week will be a better indication of how we're traveling and if we win against the Doggies then I think a smile can be cracked. Just.

The Good
Scott Hill's pass to GT was as sweet as Ox's pass to Chany, which was as pleasing as Greg Inglis scoring a try and looking like he's been playing in the NRL for five years.

The Bad
We didn't score very many points with Orford on the bench.

The Ugly
Empty seats. What Luke MacDougall did to Scott Hill.

The Good News Forecast - Rd 10

Look, we have to win this game, don't we? Like, we really need to or people will start to talk. It will be embarrassing for the players and embarrassing for the fans if we don't. Enough said. Storm by 20.

You'll be pleased to know that today is the last day of the very exciting Good News Week, and as of tomorrow, The Forecast goes back to being grumpy most of the time. Hooray!

greginglisgreginglisgreginglisgreginglisgreginglisgreginglisgreginglis

Good Bunny

He's copped a bit of flack this week, but this stat shows that he can do some good...




King of Good News Week

The only problem with Matt King is that he doesn't manage himself. I will say no more because it will spoil Good News Week and we all know how important Good News Week is. Here, though, is a quote from ABC Sport online. It's relates to State of Origin and not contractual matters:

Melbourne Storm centre Matt King has a chance to make his debut on the wing but he says he would play in the front row if it meant he gets to wear a Blues jersey.

"I got a pretty big buzz out of it, I know my Mum did so all my family is pretty excited so I didn't mind getting picked in the top 30 players in New South Wales I was pretty excited," he said.

You are a champion, Kingy. Just try and stay a Melbournian, we have more fun. Same goes for your little mate.

Goodest Backline Ever


Well, we already new this, but now everyone else does, too. According to last week's Rugby League Week (who hopefully won't mind me spreading their gospel), the Storm has got the best backline since the early-'90s era Canberra Raiders.

See for yourself:



Good Team

Let's cast our good our Good News Week eye over this week's team, shall we?

Greg Inglis - Not a superstar in the making. He already is a superstar.
Matt Geyer - Our new stadium should be named after him.
Steven Bell - Smooth like butter.
Matt King - Watch out, Queensland!
Jake Webster - Ned a bomb defused? He's your man.
Scott Hill - Smartest man in League.
Matt Orford - Worth the $$$.
Robbie Kearns - He speaks, we listen.
Cameron Smith - Future Australian captain.
Alex Chan - Appetite for Destruction.
David Kidwell - Get angry!
Ryan Hoffman - Irresistible force.
Dallas Johnson - Immovable object.

Interchange
Dennis Scott - The Man.
Glen Turner - Get out of his way, or get hurt.
Cooper Cronk - Dynamite.
Brett White - Here comes the Boom! ready or not.
Jamie Feeney - Gun. Give him more ball.
Josh Graham - Fine, young man. And quick.

What a team!

Good News Week continues...

Okay, where do we start today? How about these bits of news. Good news, that is!

From the Scotsman.com we learn that all is not lost for ex-Storm centre, Ben MacDougall:

Scotland caretaker coach Frank Hadden has drafted Paul Dearlove and Ben MacDougall into his squad for training this week ahead of matches against the Barbarians and Romania.

Centre MacDougall joined Edinburgh Rugby from Melbourne Storm last year and qualifies for Scotland through a grandfather from Glasgow.

And in the Herald Sun today, there's this bit of injury updating:

Promising Storm back-rower Tevita Metuisela will resume full training today after being cleared of a neck injury.

Metuisela is yet to play for Storm after joining the club from the Roosters this year.

He was outstanding during the pre-season trials before injuring his neck in a training drill.

So there you go, Storm Fans, everything's great today!

Good News Week

I've drawn a line in the sand. From now until Sunday (and beyond, possbily), everything on this site will be positive. Nothing will get The Forecast down, because nothing can be worse than a bye, indifferent form, injuries, suspension and people ragging on us for tackling them a certain way (sissies!).

What better way to start Good News Week, than to feature my brand new Melbourne Storm pencil case? My girlfriend made it for me to keep my pencils and pencil-related items in. It is totally awesome, thanks Lucy!

That's Not My Team part 5

Finally it's over! Thanks for sticking with this 'til the end.


Jake Webster
Jake is an artist from Indiana. As you can see, here, he's a fine sculpter and does good stuff for his community.


Matt Geyer
This Boofa plays Rugby Union for the Gyphons team based in Philalephia. People have often implied that all the tackling in rugby could be perveieved as a little bit 'gay' and I doubt these guys would disagree....


Billy Slater
I can't seem to find a picture of an alternate Billy, but I have found that another 'The Kid' does exsist! I reckon he might have a problem with Ostietis Pubis too, if you know what I mean. Adults Only!

That's Not my Team part 4

OK, I've spared you this segment for a few days, but it's back! Blame the bye.


Matt Orford
Well, there doesn't seem to be any other Matt Orford worth a google mention apart from our own. Here is Orford mountain.


Scott Hill
Scotty likes to tell tales in the old cowboy style. His moe has its own postcode. Have a look, pardner.


Steve Bell
Apart from sporting a nice goatie, Belly likes to sing songs about God. Good for him.


Matt King
Continuing with the musical bent, this Matt King is a country music star. Our Kingy played for Country the other night, so they've got something in common! See.

Don't worry, it'll end tomorrow. Oh, and all the photos our now up on the Flickr page.

Christ, Stevo...

Anyone wanting to reaffirm their belief that Jason Stevens is a tool, should visit his website. I kind of feel sorry for him, he's clearly got problems.

The Forecast goes Flickr

I've just set up a Flickr account. Over the next few days I'll be uploading the photos I've taken at games this year. Right now, only the ones from last week are up. It's a bit of a downer looking at them...

Check it out at http://www.flickr.com/photos/theforecast/

A better update will happen tomorrow...

Go Storm!

Oh God, no...

Dear Melbourne Storm,

Seeing as how we live in the 'Fashion Capital', it is quite possible that one day a designer might ask a player to take part in a catwalk parade. You might think that this will be a great promotional opportunity. It's not. Please, just politely decline...


Thanks.


Triple OXXX

Ah...if you haven't read 'New ploy to retain Matt.' in the Herald Sun this morning, maybe do that first...

So, we need to make Matty more marketable, huh? How about this makeover; I'm sure he'd be up for it...


Check him out, he's the bomb, baby! Tatts, scars, stupid hair, a nose ring, fashionable arm wear and a bad-ass attitude - Triple OXXX has got it all! Very sponsorable, I reckon...

Here's an excerpt from the Herald Sun column that he would no-doubt get:

Damn, The OXXX is pissed this week! The OXXX hatez losing, especially to a bunch o' pussies. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Shark-muddas!!! I CANNOT wait till next week. Can you smell the colour of revenge? It's dark black, just like The OXXX's heart. Get pumped OXXX-headz for a Grade A OXXX special. Whooo! Can you feel it?! It hurts and I like it!

Hey, City Origin coaching staff! NEWSFLASH, foolz, my hamstring's 100%. You just made an enemy...The OXXX!

And another thing... @#$% Jason Stevens! Hez a beee-atch. Shut your mouth, God-Boy or The OXXX will be paying yo fat a$$ a vizzat. Then you'll know what being chocked iz like, mudda. Bad.

OXXX out, down with the haterz!! Peace.

Go, Triple OXXX, go!

Pic of the week.

I'll see how this goes. It might only be a one-off, cause there might not be anything worthy next week...

Scooter likes to be on a winning team, huh?

That's Not My Team part 3

Back again with more alternative Storm players. Sorry if this boring. Today, we'll have a look at the back row:

David Kidwell
This Kiddy is the conductor of the Holyoke Civic Symphony. He is good at music and stuff. Look here if you want to get to know him better.

Dallas Johnson
Another smart guy. He's into multivariate analysis, which I'm sure is a cool thing. He's also won an award or something. As you can see here.

Ryan Hoffman
Hoffo works at the Experiemental Education Unit in Washington. He's the school chef! It looks like a nice place to work.

That's Not My Team part 2

We've met the bench, so now let's move on to the front-row:


Robb Kearns
Robb seems like a nice young man. He works for a video production company. Here they are.


Cameron Smith
Cameron uses the word 'factoid' a lot and like many members of our forward pack, is super, super smart. Also, he hates censorship. I like him. His homepage is worth a look.


Alex Chan
Alex collects coca-cola cans! His website is good, too. Except for the song the comes on...

That's all I can muster today. More crap as it happens.

That's Not My Team part 1

With not winning much and Matty Orford being a bit reluctant (to say the least!) to re-sign, I thought this might lighten the mood a bit. Let's get to know an alternative Melbourne Storm, shall we? Same names, different dudes!

I'll start with the bench:


Dennis Scott
This Dennis looks like a cool guy. He goes to the Case Western Reserve University and studies Electrical Engineering. Check it out.


Glen Turner
Glen is in a German Beatles cover band! I'm not sure which one he is supposed to be, but he looks more like a Beatle than his band-mates. Here.


Peter Robinson
Robbo lives in Sydney and seems like a really smart guy. I have no idea what he actually does, though. Do you?


Brett White
Another scientist. Maybe he can clone Cameron Smith? Or at least his 'loyalty' gene. Hope so!

Language warning.

The Storm are not playing too well these days and considering some of the promise we've shown this year, it's pretty annoying. Over the next two weeks, we'll be hearing a lot of talk from Storm HQ about how they're going to correct this. The problem is, we've heard it all before and it doesn't seem to be working. Here's some common League words and phrases and what I think would be better alternatives for the Storm to use in order to get them out of this slump:

• Holding the ball - we have to 'hold the ball' to win games. 'Holding' is a pissweak word that means 'to have or keep in the hand'. From now on, the Storm should 'grasp' the ball. Grasping is like holding, but with more force. When you 'grasp' something you don't let go. It's what you do when you're hanging off a building and the only thing stopping you from falling to your death is the fact that you're 'grasping' a railing. It's 'holding', but for men.

• Committed/commitment - we have to be 'committed' and show 'commitment', especially in 'defense'. Do we? Just like a bank is 'committed' to good customer service?! These are bullshit marketing and business terms and just mean 'I guess maybe we'll try, hopefully'. I hate them! How about we become 'defiant'. The dictionary says it means 'a daring or bold resistance to an opposing force'. Sounds good, huh? Who's going to score a try if we're like that?
  

• Toughness - because we're finding it hard to win the 'tough' games, we need more 'toughness'. You know, like steak. I find 'toughness' to be one-dimensional and negative. How about instead of 'tough', we're 'valiant'? According to the dictionary again, it means to be 'brave,courageous and stout-hearted'. Stout-hearted!!! That's something that'll win us the close games!
  

Hmmm...I know that it'll sound weird when Billy or someone is interviewed and they say, 'well, mate, we grasped the ball well and were really valiant today.' But at the very least, it'll force the players to think about what they're supposed to be doing. And, I dunno, improve their vocabulary.

sigh...

----UPDATE----

I just read Scooters Scoop on the Storm's website. The headline is 'More commitment required!'.

sigh again...

A ray of sunshine from a disappointing Storm.

The following are some pictures I took of the Scooter try and some audio of the crowd's reaction to the try being awarded. If we didn't play like shit last night, looking at the photos and listening to the audio wouldn't be such a painful thing to do. Sorry.




Click here for audio.

Man...

How about next time the Storm play like that, we run onto the field like this?

Who's in?