Language warning.

The Storm are not playing too well these days and considering some of the promise we've shown this year, it's pretty annoying. Over the next two weeks, we'll be hearing a lot of talk from Storm HQ about how they're going to correct this. The problem is, we've heard it all before and it doesn't seem to be working. Here's some common League words and phrases and what I think would be better alternatives for the Storm to use in order to get them out of this slump:

• Holding the ball - we have to 'hold the ball' to win games. 'Holding' is a pissweak word that means 'to have or keep in the hand'. From now on, the Storm should 'grasp' the ball. Grasping is like holding, but with more force. When you 'grasp' something you don't let go. It's what you do when you're hanging off a building and the only thing stopping you from falling to your death is the fact that you're 'grasping' a railing. It's 'holding', but for men.

• Committed/commitment - we have to be 'committed' and show 'commitment', especially in 'defense'. Do we? Just like a bank is 'committed' to good customer service?! These are bullshit marketing and business terms and just mean 'I guess maybe we'll try, hopefully'. I hate them! How about we become 'defiant'. The dictionary says it means 'a daring or bold resistance to an opposing force'. Sounds good, huh? Who's going to score a try if we're like that?
  

• Toughness - because we're finding it hard to win the 'tough' games, we need more 'toughness'. You know, like steak. I find 'toughness' to be one-dimensional and negative. How about instead of 'tough', we're 'valiant'? According to the dictionary again, it means to be 'brave,courageous and stout-hearted'. Stout-hearted!!! That's something that'll win us the close games!
  

Hmmm...I know that it'll sound weird when Billy or someone is interviewed and they say, 'well, mate, we grasped the ball well and were really valiant today.' But at the very least, it'll force the players to think about what they're supposed to be doing. And, I dunno, improve their vocabulary.

sigh...

----UPDATE----

I just read Scooters Scoop on the Storm's website. The headline is 'More commitment required!'.

sigh again...